Some thoughts

So did my relationship keep me down? Is that a horrible thought? I'll explain. I thought about this walking over to the cosmo house tonight. I had problems in my life and stuff that I didn't have figured out. Yet I always had a safety net (thank God for it) in Rachel. If I had a major problem with my parents she would be there for me. If I would be majorly stressed out because of school, she would be there for me. If I had anything bad happen, or if I was extremely stressed out, I always knew she was there to help me out and just listen to me. Boy did I need it, especially this last semester.

And yet, at the same time, I think it was time for me to figure out these problems, sort them out, and figure out these things on my own. Its not fair to rely on somebody else for emotional support, some of it has to come from within and in the last month it finally has. I loved her for giving it to me, it was just time to finally confront these issues. It was even time to fail, to understand and feel what it was like to fail. Also, time to understand that it was ok to fail at something, that it was just part of the experience of living. How was am I supposed to know what an emotional high is like when I've never hit rock bottom?

The last two months have been trying. I had to deal with the shit from my family, I had to deal with the break up, I had to deal with a painful concussion, and I had to deal to adjusting to life after being a student. I think dealing with it and coping with it and understanding it has made me so much of a stronger person. Cliche time anyone? It was an emotional rollercoaster, but I'm doing ok. I think I'm going to end up all right, I'm starting to be real happy with the decisions I'm making and proud of what I stand for. I can't say I regret too much of what I've done in the last four years, its made me what I am now. It made me what I am now.

She also made me what I am now, taught me so much. Taught me how to love unconditionaly, how to deal with my problems, how to be open minded and trusting. She was kind and caring for me. Was it time for me to move on as well? A year and a half of my life with her, I'm too young to get married. I was so afraid to bring that topic up, but its probably better as I'm not mature enough for it yet. Once I get my life straightened up and my priorities understood, maybe things will be different.

What a bunch of thoughts, it makes sense to me =P