Am I a man?

So am I? I don't even know what it means. I was told that when I turn thirteen and when after I'm Bar Mitzvah'd, I'd become a man. Well how can a ceremony, which I didn't really understand anyways, have signified my transition to manhood, especially at the age of thirteen? How is something that was forced upon me for that matter signal that? Shouldn't becoming a man be something individually?

Walking back from work, I heard that Jason Mraz song (previous post) on my iPod. I think that maybe being a man is being many things. Its being solely responsible for myself. Its being proud of what I do, proud of who I am, and proud of what I stand for. Its being proud of the things I've done in the past, even if others don't. Its having had bad things happen to me, survived them, and come out stronger on the other side. Being a man is all about understanding how to be a decent human being.

I've had some really tough last two months, they've been mentally exhausting. I've had very little support from my parents (except helping me pay rent). I've lost my closest friend. I've been working a lot, picking up a second job. I had to rething everything in my life, what I really want and what I want to do with it. I even got a concussion to top it off. But I'm starting to come out of it, and I feel so much stronger. I feel like I can take anything now. Sometimes I feel so alone, and yet I have to be strong despite this. I finally am starting to make my own decisions and being proud of them. I'm finally able to make mistakes, I'm able to fail and have shortcomings, and its ok. I'm finally able to fully experience life for what it has to offer, and it feels both great and terrible at the same time.

I finally am starting to feel like a man. It makes me want to cry.