NASA Can't Fool Me

Yes folks, the moon landings were faked. Don't believe me? Just click the link. You will be convinced for sure this time.

Cadbury Cake!

Ok, so I know I haven't updated my blog in a long time. A few bits of news, I will be going to Chicago next thursday to check out apartments, spent a lot of time this week apartment "hunting" (with a Dick Cheney stamped and approved shotgun) online. Its tough to find something within my budget.

Wait, did I say multiple bits of news? Hmmm, I did something for the first time the other night. You know you're getting old ;-) when you no longer get a girl's phone number, but rather her facebook name (and AIM name).

So why the picture that I included you ask? Because it is from a hysterical website =) Check it out

http://shmivejournal.livejournal.com/125746.html

Enjoy, I certainly did =)

Peace out y'all

Final update

Sorry about the lateness of the update. I worked a lot the last two days and have been busy doing stuff that needs to be done. Sunday was a pretty wild day, some of what happened that day...

- There were 68 tornado reports for that day
- 20 tornados were reported in Central Illinois, including one near assembly hall
- The death toll is at 26, with most of them in western Tennessee, which got smacked really hard.

Here's some photos from the National Weather Service

































































The damage pictures are too intense to choose just one. The photo of the water tower just shows the awesome strength of nature. Click the link above to get a full glimpse of just what these storms did to these communities, it was pretty bad.

As for where I was that day, I was out with Dave intending to spot the storms, but things got out of hand really quickly. We left Urbana right around when the warm front had passed, and we could feel how muggy the air was and how the wind had shifted direction from before. Our plan was to drive out Decatur, meet Andrew and Mike and meet the storms there. By the way, driving out to Decatur you get to smell the wonderful smell of the ADM plant. As Dave put it, he thought it smelled like buiscits and gravy, while I imagined it being the smell of a single piece of chicken in a deep frier for eight hours straight. Anyways, as we approach Decatur the clouds ahead of us (we're heading west, storms are heading north east aligned NW to SE) were getting darker and more intense.

We pull off interstate 72 and go north to get out of town when we hear a noise. I remember exactly what I said to Dave after he asks, "Do you hear that?" ... "Is somebody blaring their horn at us?"... at which point he rolls down his window and we hear the tornado sirens screaming at the top of their lungs. We look west and there is a huge mass of black cloud with very visible rotation bearing down on Decatur, and we're stuck at a red light. Meanwhile, on the spotter network and weather radio, reports are coming through of a large and dangerous tornado tracking in to right around where we were. Thinking about it now, we should have just said "Fuck it, we're finding shelter", but we decided to jet east as fast as we could. Dave's got the steering wheel, using his cell phone, and monitoring the radios. I'm navigating the country roads and looking at the sky while steering away from any rotating clouds.

We're speeding as fast as we can east, tornado warnings are popping up north and south of us, at our location, the radios are full of chatter. Its pouring like crazy, we definitely got caught in an inflow jet a couple of times which had us worried. At this point we talked to Roger on the phone and told him it was probably a good idea to shut down the ice rink (which was good considering how hard the storms hit Chambana).

We turned north on a country road in Piatt county to continue our trek back to safety and there was a huge tree that had fallen and blocked the road. Dave tried to off road it around the tree but the car wouldn't make it, so we had to back track. As we're finding another route out of there, we run into a smaller tree that had fallen and blocked our route, but this one we were able to get around. By this point the storms had overtaken us, so we got back on the highway and raced back to Champaign.

On our way back we were hearing reports of a tornado near Sadorus, near Homer, and near Southwest Champaign. Sadorus and Champaign lost power right around when each tornado was reported, so we were worried. Another tornado was spotted in Urbana (later confirmed) but did no damage. Parts of the city lost power for up to 13 hours, so it was a pretty bad mess. As we drove back into the city, there was damage ranging from downed power lines, trees, signs, and construction. At one point even, a spotter reported that a massive bolt of lightning (that we had also seen) struck and ignited a tree. Great, just another thing to add to the mess...

Finally, after the worst of it passes, we get back to Dave's house to find that the tree in their front yard fallen on his dad's truck and totally wrecked it. Reports were coming in of more storms developing west of Springfield, but they were just isolated storms and not severe.

What a night, I was pretty scared when we were stuck in Decatur as the sirens went off. Jetting out of there with the lightning and storms all around us was pretty frightening as well. Made me feel very insignificant seeing nature in all its fury around us like that. Usually we have some semblance of control when we are out there, with the ability to position ourselves well and navigate how we want to. But this just happened so fast, the storms overtook us so quickly, and we had no control; we were nature's bitch. I'm not usually afraid of storms, but this was totally different.

I'm glad that nobody got seriously hurt with these storms in the Central Illinois area, however it was a nightmare in Tennessee. Everybody was talking about it the next morning, people were pretty scared in the Chambana area as well.

Good times..... damn....

Nasty, nasty weather

Really nasty weather outbreak across the midwest today and overnight. Four dead confirmed so far across Missouri, Illinois, and Tennessee, which is getting hit really hard right now. Dave and I were out tonight and had a rough time. I'll post more about it tomorrow.

[update] Associated Press reports at least eight dead in Tennessee alone.
[update II] Death toll is up to fourteen, mostly in Tennessee =(

Perfect Day

Ok, so I realize the picture on the left may seem a little strange, and you may wonder how this equates to a perfect day, but I'll explain.

This morning I set my alarm for 10:30, I didn't want to get up too late. I call Dave to see if we were going to play hockey, but due to the condition of his skates, that wasn't going to happen. Instead, he, Andrew, and I went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast where I had biscuits and gravy. Dave on the other hand had three eggs, a thick steak, biscuits and gravy, fried apples, hash browns, and grits. He downed it all, that man is a monster in a sprites body.

From there, I left my rent check with Jon and then went to the humane society of Champaign county. It was a beautiful day outside and I suggested we go walk some dogs, they shouldn't be stuck in cages indoors. The sky was beautiful and clear with puffy white clouds everywhere, and the dogs had a blast being taken outside. I took a collie breed named Lila around the ground for half an hour or so, she was super excited to go outside. Ten minutes after I let her back in, amazingly somebody showed up and adopted her. So she had a great afternoon as well. I love dogs, I miss my dog Tula at home.

From there we drove all around the country side east and southeast of Urbana to enjoy the scenery and get some photography in. During the afternoon a BEAUTIFUL set of storms developed on the Indiana/Illinois border and we found a perfect field to park our cars (Andrew was with us) to watch them just explode in the sky about 10-20 miles away. I found out later in the night that those storms dropped a LOT of hail (64 reports on the SPC page). Dave and Drew probably got some excellent photographs. It was perfectly relaxing, just standing outside on a fence near a cornfield at the base of a nice hill, and looking at the sky with unlimited visibility all around us and massive, towering, billowy storms ahead of us. They were mushrooming up into the sky at an incredibly fast rate; the cloud formations were quite a sight to see.

From there we drove a short distance to Kickapoo State park. After getting some good photographs of the Vermillion river, we stopped to watch about a dozen or so great looking white tailed deer. Of course, Drew decided to chase them down on foot, which was also quite hysterical. We saw a whole lot of great wildlife today including wild turkey, ducks, geese, deer, hawk, and some songbirds.

To finish off the day we went to Sidney to stay at Andrew's place and hang out, play video games, use his drum set, just chill out. His dad made homemade pizza for us (apparently its what he does after he's gone drinking). The first picture is me getting my face licked clean by Matty. Dave happened to take an incriminating looking photograph of me with the dog. She is a very energetic dog, but I thought she was cool.

Otherwise, it was a great day. Go to hang out with my good friends, be outdoors in beautiful weather, see some great scenery and wildlife, eat good food, overall had a good time. Tomorrow and Sunday I have to work but I need the money anyways, so it's A'OK.

A post on another person's blog made me think pretty hard about some stuff. I hope you know who you are if you read this.

I was thinking, why am I doing what I do? At this point in my life, why am I doing what I am? Why should I be doing what I want to do? For myself, or for other people? My parents would have me think that there's two reasons I would do anything with my life right now; to make money, and to make them happy/proud. No way, I am going to do what makes me happy in my life. I want to do something that has a purpose, that achieves something, and if it comes at the expense of money, fine. I hold nothing against people who want to make a lot of money first, its not what I want to do, even if its my parents wishes.

Sure the job I have now is only a step, that's what I need now. Why should I follow a set plan, do what my parents want me to do if it won't make me happy? Graduate high school, get my undergrad degree, go to grad school, get a high paying job, get married, have kids, etc. etc. I just try as hard as I can to do well, be happy, and achieve something that I find fulfilling. Wouldn't it be nice if they appreciated that much?

I was stuck in a rut that last semester of school. Change is good, change is so important. Spontenaity is great, doing the unexpected and feeling good about it is important. Trying hard, even failing at stuff, it feels ... well.. alright if I know that I put everything I had into it. Lastly, doing something with a purpose that I find fulfilling is pretty important to me.

President's Role

Two quotes from the President's speech today in Cleveland (I think) as broadcast on CNN.

***

"But also understand my most important job - the most important job of any president today, and, uh, I predict down the road, is to protect America. And so, uh, I told the American people that we would find the terrorists and bring them to justice and that we need to defeat them overseas so that we didn't need to face them at home."

"I take a practical view of doing the job you want me to do, which is how do we defeat an enemy that still wants to hurt us, and how do we deal with threats before they fully materialize, what do we do to protect us from harm? That's my job, and that job came home on September 11 for me loud and clear. I think about my job of protecting you every day, every single day of the presidency. I'm concerned about the safety of the American people."

***

Two things come to mind when I first see this. First of all, what IS the role of the President of the United States? Is it solely "to protect this country"? The Presidential Oath as written in the Constitution claims:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States."

There is a great irony in what the President is doing to protect this country and its people from the so claimed vast threat of terrorism. In claiming that it is his job as president, he has repeatedly trampled on our rights as written in the Constitution. A perfect example of this is the warantless wiretapping program. Or how about the various questionable portions of the Patriot Act? This should be disturbing to Americans regardless of political party; a President who abuses his power, openly admits and defends his actions, and then tramples on our constitutional rights based on this "justification". I think our founding fathers are turning over in their graves.

The second thought that comes to mind is the rule through fear. Our President constantly defends his actions through the fear of terrorism. "Its ok for me to do what I'm doing, because if I don't, the terrorists will get us." And because of this fear that's been instilled into us, we've accepted and let slide the numerous violations of our rights by this government. What's worse is that those that dare speak out against this, like Russ Feingold and his censure resoluation, are called not only unpatriotic but "borderline treasonous" by their colleagues. What have we come to that those who dare question the powerful are called traitors?

Two quotes come to mind from the famous Edward R. Murrow, who was as great a patriot as we have seen in this century.

"We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men— not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular....We proclaim ourselves, as indeed we are, the defenders of freedom, wherever it continues to exist in the world, but we cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home."

and...

"If we confuse dissent with disloyalty— if we deny the right of the individual to be wrong, unpopular, eccentric or unorthodox— if we deny the essence of racial equality then hundreds of millions in Asia and Africa who are shopping about for a new allegiance will conclude that we are concerned to defend a myth and our present privileged status. Every act that denies or limits the freedom of the individual in this country costs us the ... confidence of men and women who aspire to that freedom and independence of which we speak and for which our ancestors fought."

Considering these were from the fifties and during the time where fear of communism ruled, its amazing how relevant they are today.

Redemption

Well I was offered a position at City Year. I'm pretty sure I would like this job and will accept the offer. Its a bit of redemption from the last two months. Lets recap shall we...

- Parents throw a shitstorm because I graduated
- My girlfriend of 18 months dumps me over the phone and doesn't talk to me again
- I get a concussion at work and embarass myself infront of the enitre crowd
- I lose my best friend of many years

I can't begin to describe the relief I felt when I heard this yesterday. I just wanted to shove this in my parents face and tell them, "Look you cocksuckers, I can do something, I can do this and I'm not going to fuck it up."

Next step, find a place to live and start moving my life to Chicago.

Great Concert

I went to a really great concert tonight at the Krannert center, it was my first time in the Great Hall. All I have to say is that the acoustics are AMAZING.

The program

Commando March (1943) - Samuel Barber
Tulsa (1957) - Don Gillis
Epinicion (1975) - John Paulson
The Hounds of Spring (1980) - Alfred Reed

Performed by UI Concert Band I

Day of the Dragon - Peter Graham
Hymns of Praise - Goff Richards

Performed by UI British Brass Band

Tunbridge Fair (1950) - Walter Piston
Dionysiaques, Op. 62 (1913) - Florent Schmitt

My two favorite songs had to be Tulsa and Dionysiaques. Not often do songs to this to me, but at one point in each song I could feel it in my body. Does that make sense? I could almost feel it resonating through my body, starting at the top of my back and working its way down to my feet. Sort of like an electric impulse. I'm not on drugs or anything, the songs were just that good. Plus I love live orchestral type music.

Frederick the Owl

This is Frederick. Last night he decided to make his temporary home in our rafters. He was there for about six hours (I think). A beautiful bird, the picture doesn't do it justice.

I've never seen an owl like this in the city, only out in the woods or while camping. It is a screech owl, cousin to the barn owl. Eats small rodents and insects. That look on its face though, is very piercing.

He's back tonight and perching up there once again, my guess it that he's staying up there to stay warm. With all the apartments there's plenty of heat in the building.

Props to Jon

I saw this in his away message and I really liked it...

***

"What is it you said to the kid? The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very rough, mean place. And no matter how tough you think you are, it'll always bring you to your knees and keep you there permanently....if you let it. You or nobody, ain't never gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. If you know what you're worth, go out and get what you're worth, but you gotta be willin' to take the hit."

***

Those couldn't be truer words

Sorry Blog!

So yea, I kind of neglected my blog for a bit. I guess life's just been sort of ordinary the last week, lots of work at the rink, tutoring on occasion, working out every day, cooked some food, and thought about life. Despite the ice storm today, I'm looking forward to the possibility of some thunderstorms next week as well as temperatures in the sixties. Ben called me today and we talked for an hour, its been almost a year since I last talked to him.

Uhhhh, so yea. I'll post more when I have deeper thoughts. Honestly, none too much lately. I'd really like to know whether or not I got this City Year job, starting to get antsy about it.

Wow

This was just too good to pass up, it was from a conversation I had with a friend of mine. He's at West Point, just for some context...

hoit341: man...i keep passing out here on my computer
TBar220: what you do tonight?
hoit341: i hate sleep....i hate that that could keep me from accomplishing things....

Wow.....

Mmmmmmm, chili

I made a delicious white bean, chicken, jalapeno chili tonight and had cornbread on the side. With an ice cold beer (well, a malt, but I wished it was a beer) it was a perfect dinner.

I've been so busy the last couple of days. Worked all day friday, saturday, and sunday. Worked yesterday and had a good time at Emily's bday party. I hope the boxes and walls went well, we worked pretty hard on it, they did a LOT.

I wonder, was what I did to Rachel so bad? I also wonder, she brought it up. Is it fair to have brought it up, then say I won't like it, and then ask to keep it from me? Is that honest? Is that fair? How can you do something like that in a relationship? I don't think I would stand that from my friends. I need people to be straight forward with me. Maybe it wasn't fair what I did to her, but I am thinking more and more that if there was a better "nicer" way to do it, I would have made her tell me. Simply because she brought it up, even if subconciously she wanted to tell me and that was how it came up in the first place.

I don't like how it happened, I don't like how it ended. I only wish she were comfortable telling me this, and if we'd sat down and talked about this perhaps it wouldn't have ended so painfully. I wish our relationship, after 18 months, would have gotten to the point where we wouldn't need to hold secrets from eachother. Where we could be open with eachother about stuff no matter how uncomfortable we are with it.

Gawd, its all so stupid. I miss talking to her, just the jolly "candor" (can't think of a better word, that's why I'm not a writer) that we used to have. The easy going conversation and teasing and joking around. Now its an IM if I'm lucky and an email if I'm super lucky. Oh well...

I wonder what it meant, am I making too much out of it? Should I be, or am I misunderstanding it? I wish I knew.

Some thoughts

So did my relationship keep me down? Is that a horrible thought? I'll explain. I thought about this walking over to the cosmo house tonight. I had problems in my life and stuff that I didn't have figured out. Yet I always had a safety net (thank God for it) in Rachel. If I had a major problem with my parents she would be there for me. If I would be majorly stressed out because of school, she would be there for me. If I had anything bad happen, or if I was extremely stressed out, I always knew she was there to help me out and just listen to me. Boy did I need it, especially this last semester.

And yet, at the same time, I think it was time for me to figure out these problems, sort them out, and figure out these things on my own. Its not fair to rely on somebody else for emotional support, some of it has to come from within and in the last month it finally has. I loved her for giving it to me, it was just time to finally confront these issues. It was even time to fail, to understand and feel what it was like to fail. Also, time to understand that it was ok to fail at something, that it was just part of the experience of living. How was am I supposed to know what an emotional high is like when I've never hit rock bottom?

The last two months have been trying. I had to deal with the shit from my family, I had to deal with the break up, I had to deal with a painful concussion, and I had to deal to adjusting to life after being a student. I think dealing with it and coping with it and understanding it has made me so much of a stronger person. Cliche time anyone? It was an emotional rollercoaster, but I'm doing ok. I think I'm going to end up all right, I'm starting to be real happy with the decisions I'm making and proud of what I stand for. I can't say I regret too much of what I've done in the last four years, its made me what I am now. It made me what I am now.

She also made me what I am now, taught me so much. Taught me how to love unconditionaly, how to deal with my problems, how to be open minded and trusting. She was kind and caring for me. Was it time for me to move on as well? A year and a half of my life with her, I'm too young to get married. I was so afraid to bring that topic up, but its probably better as I'm not mature enough for it yet. Once I get my life straightened up and my priorities understood, maybe things will be different.

What a bunch of thoughts, it makes sense to me =P

Update

I found my phone, it was in Roger's car just like I figured.

I talked to my sister on the phone. She's been sick a lot lately, with basically a perpetual cold the last six months. My older dad is having prostate problems and is worried he might have cancer. My grandma just had surgery for cancer in Israel. What a string of luck...

Oh good lord, I think I'm going to shit myself. I may have lost my cell phone, and that is my only mean of communication right now (outside the internet). I called the gym and they didn't have one turned in, I looked outside and couldn't find anything, I called Roger and hopefully he finds it in his car. Oh geez, if I don't find it I'll be pretty pissed.

Am I a man?

So am I? I don't even know what it means. I was told that when I turn thirteen and when after I'm Bar Mitzvah'd, I'd become a man. Well how can a ceremony, which I didn't really understand anyways, have signified my transition to manhood, especially at the age of thirteen? How is something that was forced upon me for that matter signal that? Shouldn't becoming a man be something individually?

Walking back from work, I heard that Jason Mraz song (previous post) on my iPod. I think that maybe being a man is being many things. Its being solely responsible for myself. Its being proud of what I do, proud of who I am, and proud of what I stand for. Its being proud of the things I've done in the past, even if others don't. Its having had bad things happen to me, survived them, and come out stronger on the other side. Being a man is all about understanding how to be a decent human being.

I've had some really tough last two months, they've been mentally exhausting. I've had very little support from my parents (except helping me pay rent). I've lost my closest friend. I've been working a lot, picking up a second job. I had to rething everything in my life, what I really want and what I want to do with it. I even got a concussion to top it off. But I'm starting to come out of it, and I feel so much stronger. I feel like I can take anything now. Sometimes I feel so alone, and yet I have to be strong despite this. I finally am starting to make my own decisions and being proud of them. I'm finally able to make mistakes, I'm able to fail and have shortcomings, and its ok. I'm finally able to fully experience life for what it has to offer, and it feels both great and terrible at the same time.

I finally am starting to feel like a man. It makes me want to cry.

The Boy's Gone

The boy's gone. The boy's gone home.

What will happen to a face in the crowd when it finally gets too crowded.
And will happen to the origin of sound after all the sounds have sounded
Well I hope I never have to see that day but by God I know its headed our way
But I better be happy now that the boy's going home. The boy's gone home.

And what becomes of a day for those who rage against it
And who will sum up the phrase for all left standing around it.

Well I suppose we'll all make our judgement call
We'll walk it alone, stand up tall, then march to the fall
So we better be happy now that we'll all go home.

Be so happy with the way you are
Be so happy that you made it this far
Go on be happy now. Please be happy now

Because this is something else
this is something else

I tried to live my life and live it well
But when it's all over is it heaven or hell
I better be happy now that no one can tell, nobody knows
I'm gonna be happy with the way I am
I'm gonna be happy with all that I stand for
I'm gonna be happy now because the boy's going home

The boy's gone home