First Day at School

Well, what an exciting day! Today was a lot of firsts.

It was the first day in uniform, which all of my pieces miraculously fit. It was also the first day at Dvorak Elementary, we got to see our classroom for the first time. The school is very nice, much nicer than any elementary school I went to growing up. The kids were so excited to see us today, and the teachers seemed genuinely happy to see us there despite the events of last year. Most of the day was dedicated to community mapping which was a good thing to do being my first time in North Lawndale. There are a lot of resources we will be able to work with.

We then came back to the office and had the jacket ceremony which moved me. It was simply amazing hearing what everbody said, and I have about a million thoughts about it running through my head about it. I will post about that specifically later when I am able to gather all my thoughts.

More to come later, probably over the weekend.

Blarg

I hate to be anybody's attention whore, but does anybody read my blog? Just wondering, because if I don't have an audience I don't really feel so inclined to share this stuff. Lemme (intentionally spelled like that) know people. I do like doing this though... so yea.

I will update hopefully tonight if I still have internet access. I have an idea for a post but it will take some time to formulate, like a complicated differential equation on the final exam in college (YUCK).

Inspiration

I need some inspiration. Sure, my job is cool and I like the people I'm working with. My roommates are neat and I've made some cool friends. But there's something missing, and I'm not sure what it is. Maybe the retreat at Algonquin will help me find that something? Maybe actually getting to the schools and working in the communities will give that to me? Maybe just getting what I want will do that? I'm not sure.

In any case, this horrible cold I've got right now sure isn't helping the situation. I am looking forward to that big pot of chicken soup that will be created tomorrow afternoon, it will be deeeelish (I hope). Oh, and I opened up the jar of homemade strawberry preserves and tasted it for the first time, it was delicious. The texture needs fixing, I overcooked it so it was very thick. Josh says he likes it that way, but I think I'll cook it less next time so that its more spreadable. But the flavor is just right, I am happy with that.

Well, peace everybody.

Doing squishy things

I did something today that made me very nervous and put me WAY out of my comfort zone, and I'm very glad I did. I'm trying this new thing in my life where I do stuff out of the ordinary from me, both to broaden my horizons and to make me more comfortable with myself and how other people accept me.

They needed six volunteers to go "upstage" and read stuff but doing impersonations. Well one was George W. Bush, and I ended up getting that (volunteered for it actually). It was a blast! So much fun, I cracked a little joke at the beginning about Karl Rove and his nickname Turd Blossom. Then putting on a nervous little Texas accent I proceeded to be a bumbling Dubya, mispronouncing words, skipping some, and finishing off with a "God Bless Y'all and God Bless America". The best (I thought) was when I read "And BTA, the T of course stands for terror" got a real laugh out of the audience.

But I was shaking so hard! I was so nervous, but why? I'd spoken in front of people before, performed on the piano, etc. I LOVED the sound of people laughing at me, but not at ME, laughing at my jokes, laughing at my writing that I had come up with. I was so clever! This was powerful, a way to please people and to manipulate their feelings for a very brief time. It was fun in a twisted kind of way.

The next step? I want to do a routine for the variety show during BTR, maybe either a joke or a Victor Borge sketch that I've done before.

Have a great week anybody who's reading this.

Listening

"At first, onstage and in life, I didn't really know what relating was. And listening was more a kind of waiting than anything else. I talk and then you talk. And then I listen for when I get to talk again. But relating, I came to understand, happens not just while I"m talking; it also happens while you're talking, and in between.

...When I started out as an actor, I thought, Here's what I have to say; how shall I say it? On M*A*S*H, I began to understand that what I do in the scene is not as important as what happens between me and the other person. And listening is what lets it happen. It's almost always the other person who causes you to say what you say next. You don't have to figure out how you'll say it. You have to listen so simply, so innocently, that the othe rperson brings about a change in you that makes you say it and informs the way you say it.

The difference between listening and pretending to listen, I discovered, is enormous. One is fluid, the other is rigid. One is alive, the other is stuffed. Eventually, I found a radical way of thinking about listening. Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you. When I'm willing to let them change me, something happens between us that's more interesting than a pair of dueling monologues. Like so much of what I learned in the theater, this turned out to be how life works, too." - Alan Alda, Never Have Your Dog Stuffed

(the emphasis is mine)

Those are some pretty smart words from a wise man. I wish I had been able to have this state of mind back over the summer when I was going through some personal problems. It would have saved me a lot of grief and trouble, but I guess I had to learn it somehow.

A Beautiful Mind

How did this movie win best picture? I watched it tonight, and its not really all that good. The script isn't that great, the lines are cliche, and the story isn't even an accurate representation of John Nash's life. I don't really know what the message of the movie is, or the main idea of the story. It is unclear.

So, what were the other movies that year?

- Gosford Park
- In the Bedroom *
- Lord of the Rings
- Moulin Rouge

(* I didn't see that one)

The other movies were better, at least the ones I saw. I especially liked Moulin Rouge, I thought it was a very original idea for a movie. Then again, I've noticed that eithe rpeople really really liked that movie, or just plain hated it.

Don't know why I'm saying all this.

Mill on Censorship

A great quote I saw online this morning:

***

"The peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost a great benefit, the clearer perception and livlier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error." - John Stuart Mill, On Liberty, 1859

WOW! Third Post!

Ok, this is too much. The excitement is probably killing everybody! Three posts in one day?? I've gone totally overboard and have officially lost my marbles. What could be so exciting that I would post three times in one day, NO, in one NIGHT??

Well, I heard a really good bluegrass song today that I wanted to share, so enjoy!

***

Nothin' Special

3:11

Mark Walton - Log Cabin Publishing (BMI)

You've heard a life of luxury is every girl’s dream

Lookin’ for a millionaire to build her self esteem

But my interest don't fall in monetary desires

Just a steady dose of passion baby's all I require

CHORUS:

Nothin’ special

I'll take what you've got and be satisfied

Nothin’ special

Don’t claim to be greedy or dignified

Nothin’ special

All I need is you here by my side

Nothin’ special

Nothin’ special for me

Don't need no pearls or no diamond rings

No trips to Paris for a weekend fling

Just your sweet kiss is all that you need to bring

Cause honey I'm not into all those fancy things

CHORUS

You can keep your lavish parties with your caviar

No need for modern fashions or a brand new car

No fancy mansions with my breakfast in bed,

Just satisfy my hunger with your loving instead.

CHORUS

Don't need a shrink to tell me what I'm feeling inside

Honey give me half a chance and I'll let you decide

I'm no women’s lib but Lord I sure ain’t no slave

Your warm and tender body is the only thing I crave

***

This song is perfect, it says it all. That's all a guy really wants, compaionship and some lovin'. Its not that complicated really, I'll certify to it one hundred percent.

Flatulence (post 2)

Wow, two posts in one day, exciting.

I was just reminiscing about the past today at work when we were talking about family cultures and traditions. One of the things that I always used to thing was unique about my family was our complete lack of dignity when it came to bodily functions. It wasn't just that we burped or farted around eachother, my siblings and I used to compete for top honors. Early on in our lives we couldn't even come close to the depth of my dad's burps, not to mention the stench of his farts (which to this day I don't know if I can top). And yet my sisters and I would have unofficial "burp-offs" in the hallway, which my older sister clearly holds the title for. Whenever she comes home, we know that things are back to normal when while sitting in the living room, we can almost feel the walls tremble as she unleashes the burp that signals the arrival to her room.

Farting on the other hand, me and my sister would love to run into eachother's rooms, fart, and run off laughing with the hope that we had left a stinky one. Now if we had already farted in our own rooms and smelled the nature of the beast, the nastier it was the better, and thus we had a more potent weapon. Of course we're just children (and still are pretty immature when it comes to this) so we don't really get mad at eachother, but its agonzingly hilarious when we really get a it, say after a good hearty meal of mexican food.

The funniest memories I have would be when the family would be sitting in the living room watching TV or a movie, and we don't hear the fart but the smell creeps into our nose and makes our brains do a double take, cause we certainly didn't see anyone on the T.V. screen fart. We all start looking at eachother, except for my dad who is sitting there chuckling to himself quietly and a red hue slowly spreading across his face. My mom would smack him with a pillow and act disgusted, my older sister would pinch her nose and screw up her face, and of course me and my little sister would start laughing hysterically. Now that we have a dog, my dad will try to blame it on her but we know how far from the truth that is.

And that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Uncontrolled Emotions

Today on the train I was reading Alan Alda's autobiography "Never Have Your Dog Stuffed". There was a story in there where his parents sent him to military boarding school at age seven. During his stay there, they sent him not one, but TWO balls to play with. The other boys having noticed this, took one of them and then tried to take the second one by force. Suddenly, little Alan, who never got into a fight in his life or even hit somebody violently, found himself so upset and so full of rage that these older kids were trying to bully him. Next thing he knows he's on top of this kid punching him all over.

He recalls how he never knew that he had such emotions in him and he didn't know what brought it up. Was it the stress of boarding school? Did the bully bring it out? What combination of stuff got him to react like that? Or was it just human nature, the instinct to defend oneself?

This got me thinking about stuff that I do and ways that I behave. Sometimes I act and behave in ways that I am ashamed of, but I don't do it on purpose. I may distrust somebody, I might say something that hurts another person, or when frustrated I may lash out in anger. The last thing goes against what I stand for, its not me. So why do I do it? Why is that sometimes a way I react to stress and frustration? I don't know if its a fair thing to say because it ends up sounding like I'm making excuses for the way I act. But is also sensible to say that I can control my emotions 100%?

I don't like how I sometimes react to situations. I conciously try to treat people with kindness and respect even if they don't return it to me. And yet I find myself acting stupid, being mean, letting anger control my actions. The worst part about it is that I only find this out after the fact and by then the damage is done. So I guess I have to keep telling myself to be concious about how I act and how I treat people.

My mother always used to tell me, "Think before you open your mouth." On one hand this was really good advice and helped me to avoid saying both stupid and hurtful things. On the other hand, this often held me back from just saying what I felt and being honest, as well as taking risks. It is tough to find a good balance, as well as being in complete concious control of ones self.

Maybe that's what enlightenment/nirvana is. The ability to be in complete control of one's self and the actions that one does. Therefore, with that complete control, you are one hundred percent responsible for the reality that you create around you through your actions. I clearly have not reached that sort of point of personal responsibility since I still find myself acting on undiscovered emotions and instincts, those which I am slowly growing to understand.

I wish I could figure it out sooner and quicker, yet I have to be patient and let growth occur through experience. I hate how people I have relationships with suffer when I do mean things, and I love how they have the capacity to forgive and understand. I suppose that its all just part of human nature.

Ok.... rambling done.

First day of work...

So tomorrow I start my first real day of work. It's about damn time. I'm excited and quite nervous, but the more I read up through the manual the more I feel like this is the right thing for me to do and perfect for what I want in my life right now. I hope it goes well.

I also am worried about a personal matter, I don't know if I made a terrible mistake involving a friend. It might just be me over analyzing the situation, but I can't help it.

Fortune Cookies

Gotta love fortune cookies, especially when you add "... in bed" to the end of them. Take these examples from this afternoon...

- "Concentration leads to success... in bed."

- "You are altruistic and will be involved in many humanitarian projects... in bed."

- "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!... in bed."

- "Giving is not an exact science, it is an art... in bed."

- "You have a great deal of energy and self reliance... in bed."

- "Investigate the new opportunity that will soon become an option... in bed."

and from my own personal fortune cookie...

- "You may find your horizons suddenly broadened... in bed."

Funny stuff, hope you enjoyed it =)

So dad...

I've always wanted to know, but I don't know how to approach the subject. My father has fought in three wars but I've never asked him about it.

"Uhhh dad, tell me all about your experiences. Where did you fight? When did you fight? What unit were you in? Did you kill anybody? Did any of your mates get killed? Did you get wounded? What effect did it have on you?"

and on... and on... and on...

Is it ok? Should I open it up with him? I'm really curious and I don't know how to approach it.